My days with my 18 month-old toddler vary hugely. Weekend days are entirely different to nursery days and they are different to days at home in the week. But even within the same day there is variance. Is she poorly? Am I? Have we got appointments to get to? Is it raining?
So much affects the day to day, and this makes it hard to plan and prepare ahead, which has always been my method in the past for coping with limited spoons.
Here is an example of just one of our days. I’d love to hear how your days go and any tips you have for managing with a very active, very strong-willed little girl!
You can comment below, or get in touch with me here.
The morning: early starts and fighting clothes
6:40am I cannot remember the last time I woke up naturally in the morning. Instead, the quiet burbling of my little girl echoing through the monitor rouses me from my slumber on a daily basis. Sometimes it’s full on wailing, which is an even less pleasant way to wake. I don’t have time to wait for my aching body to adjust to the morning. I force myself out of bed, nip to the loo then straight in to see baba.
11 spoons left
She is full of energy and ready for the day of course. We have cuddles, open the curtains and see what the weather is like. She points into the garden, at cars going by, at other houses. I love morning cuddles but my arms are already weary. And I’m dreading the next step.
I attempt to remove her sleeping bag and pyjamas. This is almost always met with forceful resistance.
She knows what comes next: the nappy change. This has become an ordeal for us both at almost every occurrence. She will wiggle (and she is strong) and push, cry and yell until we are both exhausted and she finally has a clean bottom.
When we’ve finally reached this stage, we still have to battle through getting dressed and brushing teeth. She loves brushing her teeth and the toothbrush especially, which sounds like a boon until you realise she does not want to part with the toothbrush when we’re done.
9 spoons left
7:45am Almost an hour later, we are finally ready for breakfast. Things cheer up here. Today, my husband hasn’t made it downstairs before me so the first task is washing the dog’s bowls, feeding her and letting her out to the garden.
Baba likes to help feed the dog but I don’t have the patience for this today, so she sits in her highchair and plays with her basket of toys saved for time at the table. She decides it would be a great game to pull every item out the basket and drop it on the floor.
I carry on making breakfast and most critically, a cup of tea. She devours her food so eagerly. Baba’s favourite meal has to be breakfast. Sometimes, I can’t believe how much she can eat. Today, instead of sorting out all the other jobs, I remember to eat while she does.
8:30am A nappy change is required, then we get ready to go out. We are meeting my parents at a local garden centre. I manage this by preparing the changing bag the night before and choosing to meet somewhere I know has easy access, good changing facilities where I can take the buggy in and a child-friendly restaurant.
9.20am We meet my parents in the car park and they help me get the buggy and the baba out the car. My dad pushes the buggy and my arms get a rest. We order food and he picks up a high chair for her. She is restless waiting, so she goes for a walk with Grandpa.
When food arrives, she digs in happily. I get to eat most of my food whilst it’s hot. She slows down after a while and my mum (who has finished eating) attends to the baba so I can finish my breakfast.
Then we clear up and go for a wander round the garden centre. Baba wants to go everywhere, grab hold of everything and is generally challenging. My parents are starting to look tired too as we reach the checkouts.
I ask if they’d like to come back with us for a cup of tea but they can’t today. I’m a little disappointed – even when looking after baba is tiring, the days go quicker and feel more manageable with moral support.
11.30am As we approach the house, the car has gone quiet. Baba has fallen asleep. This can be absolute disaster, because trying to resettle her inside is only about 50% successful. I attempt to swiftly transfer her to the cot, but she seems unlikely to go back to sleep.
Half an hour later (once I’ve unpacked everything and parked the car) she is still chatting away. I go in and the reason is immediately obvious: she has completed one of her favourite activities. She waits until nap time (and even better once she’s had a clean nappy put on) to go to the loo.
We battle over the change and I’m starting to dread the rest of the afternoon. Without an hour of rest in the middle of the day, making it to 4pm when my husband finishes work is going to be even more painful and exhausting than normal.
She is wide awake now, so I take her downstairs and give her a snack and drink. She plays with her shoes and empties cupboards whilst I tidy up.
4 spoons left
Afternoon: eat, sleep, play, repeat
1.00 pm My husband takes his lunch break 1pm till 2pm. We try again for a nap and getting towards the end of it, baba finally nods off. I get about half an hour before she’s up again. Some days we get a two hour midday nap; others this is all we can hope for. But it’s nearer 4pm now at least.
Sometimes, I get so caught up in negativity and pain, I don't notice how lovely she is.
2.30pm More playing. We wander out into the garden but baba doesn’t like to stay outside too long so this only fills about 10 minutes. Back in the living room, I attempt to sit down with a cup of tea whilst she plays. We play peek-a-boo and she practises some new words. Sometimes, I get so caught up in negativity and pain, I don’t notice how lovely she is. How fast she is growing and changing. I want to find a way to put aside my own concerns for a few minutes and be totally present with her. Enjoy her.
3 spoons left
4.00pm My husband finishes work and everything suddenly feels so much easier. We have a dance all together; baba loves music and dancing. It’s her happy place.
Then I head to prepare dinner and that’s when she reaches boiling point. She doesn’t want me to be in a different room. She wants to tug at my trousers whilst I chop and stir. Her dad takes her into the living room and holds her as she bawls. She cries and cries until she does something she hasn’t for so long.
She falls asleep in his arms. We marvel at it. It’s a reminder of how quickly things change. One day, she contact napped for the last time and we didn’t know when it would happen. Then, months and months later, she snoozes on his shoulder and it’s a beautiful reminder of how quick things change but also how much she is still a baby. Our baby.
5.00pm I gently wake her to feed her. She is in a deep slumber (the result of not napping enough earlier in the day). I carry her through to the kitchen and try to put her in the highchair. She gets upset and is still half asleep so I sit her on my lap and spoon feed her. She’s so independent normally she wouldn’t let me feed her. But today she’s exhausted and happily eats spoonful after spoonful of her tea. I don’t try to multitask and eat my food at the same time. Ours will keep until she’s in bed.
6.00pm After dinner and some milk, she’s very much ready for bed. We usually do bedtime together. I think the fact that it comes at the end of a long day makes it more likely to be a time of friction and exasperation. Working together eases that. It’s not a bath day today, so it’s brushing teeth, nappy change, pyjamas and sleeping bag. Then, into bed with her cherished panda toy and a sprinkling of dummies (we’ll get onto those another time).
1 spoon left
Evening: supper and snoozing on the sofa
6.30pm We made it. She’s in bed and we’re exhausted. We eat our tea which is still mostly warm. I shower in the evening as I don’t always get a chance in the morning, then comes the relief of putting on pyjamas and settling on the sofa. Tonight, we watch a documentary then I go up to bed whilst my husband plays video games for a bit. I’m enjoying reading at the minute and am trying to maintain this little bit of the day for myself.
When he joins me around 10pm, I’ve given up after falling asleep holding my book.
10.15pm Time to snooze. I go to bed wondering what sort of night I’m about to experience. Peaceful slumber? A middle of the night toddler party? Either way, the best thing I can do is rest now and cope with what comes next later.
So there you have it. My day with an almost 18 month-old. They are all different. Sometimes she’s at nursery and I’m working. Sometimes it’s the weekend and we’re out seeing friends or family. Sometimes one of us is ill and that’s a whole different kettle of fish.
But this is a fairly typical Thursday. Time with grandparents, time just us and some sleepy, spoonless parents by the end of the day.
I don’t think these experiences are exclusive to spoonies. Lots of parents juggle family and work, lots of parents are exhausted by bedtime. Lots of toddlers resist naps.
But I wonder sometimes how different my experience is to what it could have been if I wasn’t living with chronic health conditions. Would I be able to enjoy it more? Would I spend less time planning and preparing in order to cope? Would I be more in the moment?
And do I have to let my limited spoons define me?
I suspect these are questions I won’t get an answer to. To be honest, it’s irrelevant. I live in this body. I want to enjoy life with a toddler in this body. It’s the one I have and I don’t intend to let it to get in the way of having a lovely parenting experience.
Spoonfuls of love,
Emma
