Thank you for being here, whether you are short of spoons or not. This is my story of parenting with chronic health conditions, how they have impacted me and my family and why I am writing this now.
Nearly 18 months ago, my little girl was born. After infertility and a high-risk pregnancy, I was supposed to feel full of joy and contentment as we finally held her in our arms. Instead, we struggled to bond and I developed post-natal depression. Within the next year, I had been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and been referred to see a consultant about my endometriosis worsening. I have a diagnosis of PCOS and adenomyosis too and found my periods become more difficult after having my baby.
These chronic conditions and my mental health difficulties have complicated early parenthood for me and my family. Whilst we’ve now recovered from the early set backs and built a brilliant relationship, life with a toddler is exhausting. Every day I have to carefully allocate my spoons. A trip to the park or rhyme time at the library? A home-cooked meal or laundry?
Balance and choices with modern parenting
I’ve learnt over the last year and a half that there are balances and choices to be made when parenting with chronic health conditions. But I believe most if not all parents face a set of choices, whatever their health status. Balancing work and family in today’s world is almost impossible. What makes it possible is choosing where to focus your time and energy, and what to let go. I don’t think it’s just me that feels this way.
When I bring up the subject with friends, they often say, ‘Oh yes, that’s how I feel too.’ Sometimes I think we just don’t feel comfortable sharing our struggles, because we think it makes us sound somehow lesser as parents. Personally, I think persevering through challenges can actually improve your ability to parent.
Alongside my health conditions, there are all the usual parenting quandaries. I’m an obsessive researcher and an anxious mother; I delve into a topic until I have 99% of the facts. So I’ve done a lot of research – and had real life practice – with getting ready for a baby, weaning, car seats, cloth nappies, parenting styles, ethical kids clothing and toys and more.
Our busy lives don’t always allow time for this learning and often we find the information spread across lots of different places. I’d like to bring together the knowledge I’ve gathered so that it may help others working with few spoons, few hours or few resources to find the information they need all in one place.
I really hope this collection of thoughts and findings will help somebody. I love the starfish principle – each small step may not have widespread impact, but if it helps just one person then it was worth doing.
Spoonfuls of love,
Emma
